It's a wag wag wag wag world - or is it?

What are the chances for 'WAGs 2 - The Sequel'?

Tans, t-shirts and texting - Cheryl Cole (then partner of Ashley Cole); Coleen Mcloughlin (then girlfriend of Wayne Rooney); and Victoria Beckham "watch" England vs. Trinidad and Tobago at the World Cup 2006. Photo: PA

I happened to catch some of Richard Bacon and Peter Crouch’s Most Shocking Moments in World Cup History last night.

What was most shocking to me was that the Birth of the WAG, did not even make the final cut.

Surely the images of Wagdom in full cry, armed with cash and on the lash, tooled-up with hair extensions, acrylic nails, killer heels, elevated cleavage, huge sunglasses and even huge-er handbags, plus hemlines that should have carried a health warning, were worth a mention, if only for the crimes committed against fashion, not to mention nature.

Certainly the vivid memories of Baden Baden 2006 were haunting and shocking enough for Fabio Capello to try and impose a Wag-Free World Cup for the England Squad in South Africa, not, I’m sure, out of any sense of sartorial outrage, but mainly because he did not want a repeat performance of the tail wagging the dog.

But he probably need not have bothered. at this point, WAGS 2 stands about as much chance of success as SATC 2.

This World Cup looks pretty much a WAG-free zone, even without Capello’s clampdown. Age, divorce, broken relationships, injuries, business commitments, work and family responsibilities, have all taken or are taking their toll.

Victoria Beckham, once regarded as the ‘Queen of the WAGs’, won’t be there because David is not playing. Wayne Rooney's Coleen, once seen as Posh’s heir, has apparently decided to stay home with their new baby, Kai. Cheryl ‘Call Me Tweedy’, the former wife of Ashley Cole, has left the building. Ellen Rives has split up with Frank Lampard, so she won’t be going, and whether the midfielder’s new squeeze, Christine Bleakley’s television commitments will let her off the BBC leash is a moot point. Pretty Melanie Slade is a non-starter, too, because her boyfriend Theo Walcott was left out of the England Squad.

So that leaves striker, Peter Crouch’s gorgeous fiancee, Abbey Clancy; Carly Zucker, the fitness trainer and wife of the attacking mid-fielder, Joe Cole; Alex Curran, Steven Gerrard’s wife; and Toni Poole, the wife of John Terry.

But four WAGs do not a WAGgle make, even if there are a handful of WAG-wannabees waiting in the wings. Of that original quartet, only Abbey Clancy, who has managed to snag a fortuitous modelling assignment in South Africa, is a certainty.

However, these are early days, and scarcely a Louis Vuitton suitcase has been unzipped, or a “Bollywood” booked. Should England beat Algeria, Slovenia, the US and, possibly, Ghana, we’ll be into the quarter-finals and that’s when the WAGs could be on the warpath once more.

The England players are to stay in their training camp at Bafokeng, while a mere 14 air-conditioned limo miles ride away, the glitzy glamour of the six-star Palace of the Lost City Hotel in Sun City (one suite has jacuzzis both inside and on the balcony) beckons - a shrine to Wagdom if ever there was one.

Keep the WAGs out of the World Cup? Capello has about as much chance as England does of scoring in a penalty shootout.