Boomerang boys

There's a generation of men moving back home to be with mummy. But is it an economic necessity, or just a reluctance to grow up?

After a few too many beers down the local pub with his mates, Rob Wasden tiptoes up the stairs, desperate not to wake the woman who's been in bed for hours.

But it's not his girlfriend the 32 year old is trying his best not to disturb. It's his mum.

Rob's free of money worries now he lives with mum Eileen

Rob is a 'boomerang boy' - one of thousands of guys who've fallen victim to the economic downturn and been forced to move back home with their parents.

Despite getting a degree in business, computing and maths, Rob ran up such huge student debts that he couldn't afford to rent his own flat. So he moved back to his mum's and has been there ever since.

"I looked everywhere for a job, but ended up having to do unpaid work experience to boost my CV and make me more employable," Rob explains.

"With no money coming in I couldn't afford to pay rent, so moving home seemed like the obvious, and only, option."

Studies show 1.5 million men are now unemployed, nearly a quarter of males aged 25 to 29 live with their parents, and 10 per cent still haven't flown the nest by the time they reach 34.

Rob has been living in his old bedroom at his parents' house in Wolverhampton for the past 10 years.

"I never dreamed I'd still be here in my 30s," he says. "But it looks like I'm going to be here for a bit longer before I've got enough money saved to buy my own place."

Rob now has a job in IT for an energy supply company and earns £15,000 a year. But while his sister, Emma, 36, has lived in her own home since she finished university, Rob pays his mum board of just £50 a week.

Rob age two with mum Eileen

"If I had rent or mortgage to pay, I'd have to stay in to save and I'd never have holidays or be able to run my car. I'm always out playing football or seeing my mates, too, so being at Mum and Dad's means I can do all this and not have to worry so much about money," he says.

And of course, there are other benefits. His mum, Eileen, 59, does most of the cooking, cleaning and shopping, although Rob says he makes an effort to help "when he can".

"Mum still makes me a packed lunch for work," he continues. "Sometimes I tell her I'd rather go to the pub, but she still sends me off with sandwiches. It's very sweet."

Consultant psychologist, Dr Mike Drayton, says financial benefits are just one of the attractions for boomerang blokes.

"For every man who sees moving home as a last resort, there's another who loves being looked after," he says.

"If your mum always did everything for you when you were younger, you'll both easily slip back into the same roles."

Chris' mum Pam dotes on him

Another boomerang boy is Chris Tagg, 28. He moved back into his mum's six months ago after losing his job as an administrator, and admits he's regressed to being a teenager again.

"For some reason, I expect Mum to do it all for me, despite having lived on my own for seven years," he says.

"She cooks, does my washing and tidies up after me. I treat the place like a hotel, just like I did when I was a teenager. I even find myself rolling my eyes when she asks me what time I'll be home or reminds me to lock the door."

Unemployed Chris, who doesn't pay his mum Pam, 60, any rent, moved home to Bridgwater, Somerset in October.

"I lived in a rented flat with mates, but after I lost my job I couldn't pay the bills," he says. "I asked Mum if could move home and she agreed.

"Moving here felt like a step backwards. Mum lives in an isolated village with just one shop and not much else, so it was a real shock to the system.

"I'm nearly 30 and it's not how I expected to be living. My friends joke that I'm a mummy's boy. It's embarrassing."

Despite losing his independence, Chris, who's decided not to claim unemployment benefit while he looks for work, has discovered there are upsides to his situation.

"You always have company and you're living with someone who absolutely dotes on you," he says.

You could say it's lucky then that neither he nor Rob currently have girlfriends.

"My bedroom is right next to my mum and dad's room so bringing a girl back would be a bit awkward," Rob says.

While he could be classified as a 'Kipper' - a Kid In Parents' Pockets - who chooses not to move out, Chris insists his situation is temporary, which is something he's very keen to get across to any potential girlfriends.

Chris age three with mum Pam

"Admitting you live with your mum is hardly going to bring the women flocking is it?" he says. "So if I was looking for a girlfriend, I'd have to emphasise my living arrangement was only going to continue until I find a job."

But it's not just the boys who have concerns about returning home. Their mums do, too.

Chris' mum, Pam, who works for a typesetting company, admits she worried about giving up her space in her three-bedroom semi. She believes their arrangement works because they try to give each other room to breathe and respect the other's feelings.

Chris doesn't have his mates over, and when he gets in from the pub he makes sure he doesn't wake up his mum.

"I like having him around," Pam says. "I enjoy the company, he's handy around the house and it's good to know I'm helping him out financially. Obviously I want him to have his independence, but I'll miss him when he goes."

But Rob's mum, Eileen, would love to see her son leave.

"As much as I enjoy his company, I want him to move out," she says. "I'd love him to meet someone and settle down. But I hope he doesn't go straight from living with us to living with a girl. I'd feel sorry for her if that were the case - she'd feel like she was inheriting a right mummy's boy."

Consultant child psychologist, Dr Carol Burniston, says boomerang boys need to move out and grow up fast.

"As a temporary situation, I can't see any harm in a man moving back home, but what about the impact in the future?" she says. "How can someone go from living with their parents and having no responsibilities to fending for themselves or caring for a partner's needs?"

"To give their sons the ability to cope when they move out, mums need to encourage them to be independent - to cook, clean and fend for themselves as much as they can."

Until then, Eileen and Pam will continue to look after their boys. "I call Rob and his friends Peter Pans," Eileen smiles. "They'll never grow up while they're at home."

'Mum even buys my underwear'

Sanjay loves his mum's home cooking

Sanjay Dhokia, 27, a technical support advisor, lives in Ely, Cambridgeshire, with his mum Jyostna, 50, dad Jagdish, 50, and brother Rajiv, 19.

Sanjay says: "My friends tease me about being a total mummy's boy, but I'm happy to laugh along with them because I know it's true. Apart from when I went to university in Southampton, I've never moved out - and why would I when the food at home is so good?

I adore my mum and we've always been close. Embarrassingly, up until I was about 10, whenever anyone asked me who I was going to marry I would always say 'Mummy'. I still think she's an amazing woman.

She does all the cooking - I can't even boil an egg on my own - and while I'm supposed to help with the cleaning, I'm a bit lazy and Mum always gets so annoyed with the mess that she does my chores for me. She even cleans my room.

Sometimes it's like being a teenager again, especially when Mum texts me if I'm late home. And if I've had a boozy night, she'll get me to do loads of housework the next day!

I'm single now, but I've had girlfriends stay over in the past. That can be a bit embarrassing, and admitting to a girl that you live at home isn't exactly the ideal chat-up line. I tend to make a joke of it, but I wait a while before admitting that my mum still buys my underwear!

I don't think it would put off the right girl, but I'd stay at her place for a while before bringing her home. Then again, I'm so close to my family, even if I didn't live with them I'd introduce a girlfriend to them quickly anyway.

Eventually, when I clear my debts, I'll move out. I'm looking forward to the independence - but I'll still be home every night for dinner."

Sanjay as a young boy with Jyostna

Jyostna says: "I don't know what Sanjay would do without me - he won't even open a can of beans on his own! I love having him around, but I do look forward to quiet Friday evenings when I'm the only one in. It would be nice, too, if Jagdish and I could go on more holidays, but I always feel I should be around to look after the boys.

A couple of times after we've argued, Sanjay's threatened to leave. But I always end up in tears and talk him out of it.

My friends say I'm too soft, but he pays £250 a month when he can and buys food sometimes, which is fine by me.

I'd love Sanjay to bring home a nice girl - I'm desperate for a daughter-in-law I can spoil too!

Mostly though, I wouldn't change it for the world. Sanjay is very protective and because Ragdish works nights, if I have a bad dream it's Sanjay who sits with me.

There are times when he drives me mad, but the day he tells me he's leaving home will be so sad."