Dear Jo

I'm planning my wedding which should be a really exciting time, but the behaviour of one of my two bridesmaids is really getting me down.

She's one of my best friends and when I asked her to be bridesmaid she was really excited. However, since then she's been nothing but trouble.

She keeps cancelling dress fitting appointments, she missed a special engagement lunch with me and my fiancé and our families, and when she has bothered to answer the phone to me she seems really uninterested and unenthusiastic about all my plans.

I've also heard she's done nothing to help my other friend arrange the hen weekend.

I promise I'm not a Bridezilla, I just want her support and for her to enjoy being my bridesmaid, not to treat it like a chore. What can I do?Catherine, 29, Liverpool.

Jo says:

Your wedding day is one of the most special days of your life, and I completely understand why your friend's behaviour is stressing you out Catherine. You're juggling so many plans and the last thing you need is a stroppy bridesmaid. You want everything to be perfect, of course you do. When my daughter Leah got married we all rallied round to give her the most wonderful wedding, and your friend should be doing the same.

It seems to me she's perhaps jealous of your happiness which is very sad. She should be delighted for you, not being so difficult and unhelpful.

My advice would be to sit down with her, just the two of you, and explain how her behaviour is making you feel. Give her the option to pull out of being a bridesmaid - you can stay friends but she needs to understand this is something she has to want to do, rather than, as you say, treating it as a chore. If she insists she does want to be your bridesmaid then make it clear that you want her to be a positive and helpful influence, not someone you have to drag kicking and screaming.