Confessions of the bolting brides

After the Princess of Monaco tries to flee before tying the knot, women who DID pull out of their weddings tell their emotionally charged stories

'All I could think was that the wedding day would be perfect but the marriage could never work'

Sarah Donohue, 39, is a British powerboat champion and a fitness competitor. She lives in London and is single, having cancelled her wedding to Nick two years ago. She says:

No regrets: Sarah Donohue cancelled her wedding because she knew her and her partner were from different worlds

My wedding was due to take place in August 2009, and as it got closer I became increasingly filled with doubt, to the extent that I wasn’t sleeping through worry. 

I met Nick at the gym in 2006, and after a few months of friendship we started dating. He was good company, intelligent, happy and always smiling. Although three years younger than me, he had already forged a successful and lucrative career as a nutritional scientist and owned several health companies.

After six months of dating, he took me to meet his family who lived in Buckinghamshire. I was taken aback at how enormous their house was — Nick hadn’t let on at all that he was from such a wealthy family. It’s a discovery that would have made many women happy, but it made me very uneasy.

I grew up in Saddleworth on the Lancashire-Yorkshire border. I’m the daughter of a retired policeman and a teacher and had a very loving, middle-class upbringing. Nick, on the other hand, enjoyed an extremely privileged childhood as his father owned a number of major companies.

We’d been together for 18 months when Nick proposed on a weekend away. He produced a diamond ring, taking me completely by surprise as we weren’t even living together and had never discussed marriage.

I accepted his proposal because he was a lovely man, but I have to admit that I said yes with only 95 per cent of my heart. The other 5 per cent was wishing we’d spoken about marriage previously.  

I kept telling myself I was lucky to have him and that any doubts were just natural. We immediately started planning our £50,000 wedding on Lake Como in Italy. 

Pre-wedding nerves: The Princess of Monaco wipes a tear as she leaves the church after her wedding to Prince Albert II of Monaco. She is said to have tried to flee the occasion

There was a boat to take us and our 40 guests out on the lake after the ceremony complete with a jazz band on board, and my mum and I had flown out to Italy to taste the food and wine for the wedding breakfast.

Invitations were posted and my bespoke wedding gown was ordered. We also bought a £1.15 million London home for when we were married.

In the middle of the frantic planning Nick told me he had fallen out with his mother, who thought I was not well-to-do enough to be marrying her son — she even commented on the fact that I’m Northern. This came on top of two of his siblings also being unpleasant to me, despite my making a huge effort with all of them.

My own family mean everything to me and I felt increasingly concerned about the prospect of being part of a family who weren’t like my own.

Three weeks before the big day all I could think was that the wedding day would be perfect but the marriage could never work. In tears, I confessed all to my parents, who told me I must cancel the wedding.

Nick’s parents were both ill at the time and, in the end, I chickened out a little by telling him we should postpone until they were in better health.  It may sound awful, but it felt less final than telling him I couldn’t marry him at all — I loved him and didn’t want to hurt him. He was very upset but agreed.

Despite everything, we still flew out to Italy with four friends on the flights we’d booked for our wedding. We had a lovely time, even though there was sadness that the wedding hadn’t gone ahead.

Nick and I coasted along for another six months until it became clear that our relationship had run its course and we parted ways.

Even now, I get upset thinking about what happened and how hurt Nick was. But I know that it was the right decision. We were from two different worlds and could never have made each other happy long term.  

'Cancelling the wedding was the best decision I ever made'

Melanie Taylor, 40, is a sales consultant who lives in St Albans, Herts, with her husband Matt, also 40, and their two children. She says: 

Fell in love with another man: Melanie Taylor

Charles and I met in Paris, where I was studying at The Sorbonne. He was a banker, five years older than me, very confident, passionate and protective. I was a naive 21-year-old student away from home, and he took me under his wing and I, quickly, fell madly in love.

We’d been together for eight years when Charles proposed and presented me with the most gorgeous amethyst Cartier ring. All I could think was ‘Finally!’ and accepted immediately.

But as much as I loved Charles at the time, our relationship was far from perfect. He found fault with everything I did. He made nasty comments about my clothes and would imply that I wasn’t as intelligent as him.

His parents were even worse. His mother was Italian and had very traditional views on family life, expecting me to be the little wife at home, cooking and cleaning. She couldn’t understand why I’d want to pursue a career and not stay at home having babies.

Despite everything, I started planning our June wedding. It was to be a large affair with 300 guests — but we couldn’t agree on anything, from the venue to the food and guests. One day, we had the most almighty row in a car park and I stormed off.

The next night, there was a company do that I had to attend and as I sat at the bar feeling miserable, I got talking to Matt, who is now my husband. Nothing happened between us but we chatted very easily, had a few drinks and I came away thinking how nice it was to chat to a man who was interested in me and wasn’t continually judging or belittling me.

I really liked him, he was easy-going and made me feel great, but he had a girlfriend and I was getting married. I’d paid a deposit for my dress, the venue was to be a large mill in the countryside, and the invitations had gone out. But since the argument in the car I’d been full of doubt.

Four months before the wedding I went for a meal with Matt and we talked for hours. Although nothing happened, we admitted that we had feelings for each other. I knew then that I had to call things off with Charles.

The moment I’d said it, I felt relief. I knew it was the right thing to do. Charles was shocked and angry and asked if there was anyone else, but I denied it — at the time I really didn’t think Matt was the love of my life so I didn’t want to make Charles feel worse. 

Charles snatched my address book and spent the next two hours calling all my friends, telling them that I was nasty, superficial and manipulative. I wanted to call them too, to give them my side of the story, but I knew he was hurting and left him to it. My own mother refused to speak to me. I think it was because she was embarrassed at having to tell many of her friends who were on the guest list that the wedding was off.

All our friends took Charles’s side; I was pretty much on my own. But I had Matt and he supported me through everything. Not long after my separation with Charles, he split up with his girlfriend and we became a couple immediately.

That was nine years ago and Matt and I have been together ever since. We had children first and then, three years ago, got married at a castle in the South of France with just 37 adult guests and their children. It was perfect.

Life with Matt is lovely. Charles and I would have ended up in the divorce courts, so cancelling the wedding was the best decision I ever made.

' I was plagued with doubts that just wouldn’t disappear'

Justine Hull, 37, is a public relations consultant and lives in Essex  with husband  John, 40, a farmer. Justine says:

John and I met 14 years ago in a local pub. He was a young farmer, bags of fun and I was instantly attracted to him. We were crazy about each other, but when he asked me to marry him after just three months I refused, saying it was too soon.

He proposed again six months later in Paris in August 1999 and this time I said ‘Yes’.

We planned to marry in October 2001, giving us time to save some money. But in June that year John was feeling very run down and we noticed he had lumps on his glands.

Third time lucky: Justine and John Hull married after cancelling two previous wedding days due to his ill-health

Thinking it must be glandular fever, he eventually had some blood tests. We were devastated to discover he actually had leukaemia and the consultant was unable to say if he’d live.

It was a hideous time of uncertainty, so we cancelled our wedding to focus on John’s health. 

For a year he had chemotherapy and radiotherapy, then in September 2002 we got the news he was  in remission, although he had to remain on chemotherapy pills for a further 18 months as a safeguard.

Early in 2003 we started planning the wedding again with a date set for October that year, and forged ahead with booking the church and reception venue. But despite being thrilled at John’s recovery I was plagued with doubts about the wedding that just wouldn’t disappear.

The leukaemia had traumatised both of us and, as you’d expect, it had changed John. I didn’t doubt my love for him, but I did doubt the timing of our wedding and felt we were rushing to try to make up for lost time.

Our relationship, though strong, had taken a good battering and was at an all-time low. One morning, two months before the wedding, we argued yet again and I told John that, as much as it broke my heart, we shouldn’t go through with the wedding until we’d had time to recover from what we’d been through. 

We were both devastated and there were a lot of tears, but we knew it was the right decision. It actually confirmed to John that cancer had affected him mentally more than he’d realised.

Our friends and family were very upset too — they’d wanted us to have the happy ending after such a horrible few years. But they understood that we were traumatised by John’s illness and that we needed time to recover.

John and I simply had to get back on an even keel before we could marry. As a farmer, he was used to being physically strong and active. To have that stripped away by cancer and chemotherapy affected him mentally more than either of us had realised. It took a long time to build himself back up and, of course, we lived in constant fear that the leukaemia would return.

But we always believed that one day we’d get married. We hadn’t fallen out of love, we had just hit a big bump along the way and it knocked us back.

It wasn’t until early 2006, by which time we’d tackled the emotional impact of cancer, John was feeling much stronger and our relationship was back on track, that it finally felt right to plan our wedding for a third time. I remember taking my dress material down from the loft one day and thinking: ‘This is definitely it now.’

We married on September 23, 2006, in a very emotional ceremony.  I remember John squeezing my hand very tightly, especially during the ‘in sickness and in health’ vows.

Everyone was so relieved that John had survived and we’d found happiness again. I have no regrets that I cancelled our second wedding. In the end, we married when it felt 100 per cent right for both of us.